Finding happiness within your body in times of beauty perfection
Do you know that feeling of when you are actually pretty satisfied with your body and then booooom you put your bikini on all ready to go to the lake, have a quick check in the mirror and it hits you right into your face?
That is the moment where our inner critic comes up and when that inner judge gets right into his job!
I get you – I’ve been there – I guess we have all been there – and if not, congrats, I’m very happy for you and I respect your clear mind.
But more likely it is that you take good care of yourself, that you are not too hard on yourself when it comes to having that glass of wine and that Pizza because you think life is too short not to enjoy things, that you go to the gym and that you are pretty good in your self-acceptance game – you think so at least!
But then that moment comes, where you see yourself in that bikini in bare sun light, and all the edges and flaws come up that you usually don’t get confronted with when you put your flattering jeans on in the morning.
There you are, gazing at yourself thinking what the f**k am I doing wrong. Asking yourself why it is only me struggling with that. Thinking that right now you would be so much happier if that cellulite was just a little less, if that stomach was just a little firmer or those tights just a little more toned.
And then you find yourself at this point again where you are putting your self worth down. All the way down. Down to the point here you are not feeling fully confident to just go out and swing your bum along the lake or beach. Where you think you should really just start a quick, extra efficient detox or change your diet.
Been there, done that. And you know what? It didn’t help. I might have changed my looks a little bit, but I didn’t really feel better about myself because I somehow always found other ways to compare myself to what I didn’t have.
There is always something better right, there is always an advertisement that reminds us that we need product XYZ to be that pretty, to have that glow, that energy, that happiness, right?
Screwing around my body didn’t really help though and every bikini season I seemed to face the same old boring questions again.
Eventually I realized that my thinking kept me in a hamster wheel and I thought that if changing my looks didn’t change my confidence then I gotta do some deeper work. And I^m so glad I did!
In this process, I transformed something for myself and here is how you can do that for yourself so you can finally appreciate your body for what it is and lovingly arrive within yourself:
Here are 4 ways on how you actually connect your mind with your bikini body:
- See your body as a gift. You have been given this (healthy) body when you were born. You didn’t ask for it. You didn’t have to do anything for it, and it just grew into the personality with all the story, habits and routines that you are and have today. You were not born into this body for you to criticize it and to not appreciate it for what it is. See your body as that super vehicle that enables you to shape, move towards and live your dreams. That enables you to hug, dance, express emotions and connect with people. That gives a home to your heart and your uniqueness
- The flaws that you are now looking at, the little parts of softness, the little fat rolls, the maybe wobbly texture, where do they come from? Do they have their origin in all those beautiful hours and dinners that you were enjoying with your family and friends? Do they come from the OMG so yummie food, that you couldn’t resist and that made you so happy? Do they come from you just trying to be gentle with yourself, giving your body rest and not stressing you out about going to the gym? How would you feel today if you didn’t have all that love, that family, those friends, and that kindness with yourself in your life?
- Your shape, your size, the texture of your skin, all sum up to the picture that your life draws. It mirrors our personal emotional states, it maybe mirrors the successes that we had in other parts of our lives, it shows how much we prioritized ourselves and how much we looked after our “home”. I’m sure we all had those periods of time, where we were facing things that were more important than our looks? When we chose to take exams, where we were heart broken, when we were stressed out, when we faced health issues, when we were freshly in love and the hormones went crazy on us? Understand yourself, understand your body, give it compassion for all of that, for your uniqueness.
- Ask yourself whether the story that you are telling yourself, the story of not being pretty, skinny or toned enough, is really true and objective? Ask yourself what you would tell your very best and dear friend if she had the same flaws and felt bad about them. What would you tell her? Do you notice a difference? Why is there a difference?
And here are 5 steps on how you can level up that LOVE towards your body:
- Every morning, ask yourself in what way your body will support you today and in what way it will enable you to feel joy
- Get clear about something that you really appreciate about your looks, may it even just be your hands or the softness of your skin and focus on that. And every time you catch your mind criticizing yourself, focus on that plus point that you have. The stronger that point is, the happier and more grateful it makes you feel.
- Go and move your body, make it sweat, ignite that energy, express your feelings. Do it somewhere where you can really connect with your physical sensations, where there is no mirror around distracting you, or where you can close your eyes.
- Make yourself clear what you are comparing yourself to and how realistic thisis when having a regular lifestyle. You are (probably) not someone that makes a living from her looks, that has a personal chef, that has a stylist, that only publishes the perfect pictures, and that has time to follow the perfect workout routine. So be realistic about what you compare yourself to, or even better – stop comparing yourself with the story of someone else.
- Express gratitude when your mind wanders off. When you find yourself being hard on yourself again, count up all the things that you are grateful for when it comes to your body.
I am grateful for my healthy body
I am grateful that I have two healthy legs and I can move from A to B without assistance
I am grateful that my body just breathes without me having to think of it
I am grateful for all those beautiful moments where my body enabled me to experience life
I am grateful for having that fat shell around my fragile heart
I am grateful for having that uniqueness
I am grateful for that super mega vehicle that enables me to move towards my dreams
I am grateful for my smiling wrinkles because they tell stories of happiness
I am grateful for.. you name it..
My dear, if I may give you one advice – only one – stop comparing. Stop making yourself small. Stop thinking you are not good enough. Stop focusing on things that are not the way you want them to be.
Start being. Start accepting. Start standing in for yourself, your story, your looks, your shape.
Because honestly? Nobody cares as much as you do. What people see, what they feel, is your energy. It is the way you feel about yourself and the way you make them feel about themselves. So just be dope, shine on, be yourself, keep the pep talk up if you need it, keep tuning in with yourself, and just glow on.
And if the negative bias comes up in your mind, tune into this body scan meditation here to get your mind clear again.
Sending you love.